Pen to Paper

 

I have missed you a lot

So many things have happened in your absence

So many things I have wanted to say to you

Now seem disjointed and out of place

I am lost for the right words to describe how I have felt and still feel

I have this deep pain that feels like a ball of fire within me

Eating me up badly

It seems like I alone understand me most

There is none

They all mean well but sometimes

Well does not always go well or feel right

What need is there to speak?

When tis just words that would be swept under the carpet

And even if given the chance

There would be the minutest to no support of whatever kind given

Alone among many

Alone with my thoughts as always

I wish God would speak with me in person

We would have a long conversation

Not necessarily what is to come

But what was and what is

To help me understand

To know and to give me the will and strength to continue

 

My dearest pen and paper

You are my one true confidant

You alone know how to make me heave a sigh and let it (at least some if not all) go

My every burden has always been shared with you for as long as I can remember

With you I have cried, laughed, slashed and been truly happy with

You have been my one age-long soul mate

Each time, more often than I would like to admit

I come to you with my burdens

Pains that tear at my heart and leaves me hurt, depressed and sad

Thank you for always being there

There is so much I want to tell

But I just do not know

Cannot find the right words to put down

Hmm. I met a guy who told me I should always put

My thoughts on paper no matter how silly I thought it would be

No matter how reluctant I was or am. Still

 

There is a burning in my chest

My eyes welling up and the constant sniffles of my nose

The heartache starts so intensely and then it goes down to

This slow burn that shakes me from within

Maybe all I need is a good cry and a loud scream

From the depths of my soul

Maybe what I need is good therapy for I seem like a dysfunctional youth

I am tired

Just exhausted

Maybe it's time I pray

The solution to ones’ problem is the distance between the knees and the ground

Indeed, I need to pray more

Am glad you called me dear